Oh hum....

New Years. At the end of December. oh hum....
my new year began at the end of the harvest season in the fall.

Any how.....

Here is to all those who begin tomorrow their new year.
wishing you all the best of what you need, not your wants.
praying for your clarity in thought
your integrity as you move throughout the worlds
remember your creativity and use it.

reach out to your community and build with them some
thing better for all and have consensus about what
that looks like, share your skills.

my prayer for us.

i got this picture from
inspirationforliving.wordpress.com/ 2008/03/27/10/

Imagine living on the coast of West Africa.
In the warm and cheerful climate of Ghana.
Your hair is short and kinky.
Your eyes are big and beautiful.
Your skin is black and shiny
like the moonless sky on a clear night.
Every day you pray for peace on this earth.

Imagine living in the high mountains of North Vietnam
Surrounded by rice, corn, cassava, and fruit trees.
Your hair is dark and covered with a scarf.
Your eyes are alert and happy.
Your skin is yellow and sparkling
like the very sun that gives us life.
Every day you pray for peace on this earth.

Imagine living in the Amazon rainforest.
In the humid, temperate Brazilian woods.
Your hair is lush and wavy.
Your eyes are curious and grinning.
Your skin is brown and radiant
like the soil that nourishes your crops.
Every day you pray for peace on this earth.

Imagine living in the Arctic Circle.
Enjoying the polar nights of Finland.
Your hair is red and silky smooth.
Your eyes are joyous and light.
Your skin is freckled and white
like a bed of new-fallen snow.
Every day you pray for peace on this earth.

Imagine living in the Navajo Nation.
On the plateaus and in the canyons of the dry Arizona desert.
Your hair is long and dark.
Your eyes are alive and dancing.
Your skin is red and weathered
like the earth of the very land we live on.
Every day you pray for peace on this earth.

Kristi Venditti

Teaching my self to be still

I know this probably has a lot to do with how i feel. i've known for some time that i should develop/particiapate in some sort of meditative practice.
someone sent me an email with the words of the previous post and i wondered about that. being grateful in the middle of feeling most rejected and alone. what does that look like? being grateful when all i can do is cry for no apparent reason. right now i am hopeful but wary.

Something to think about

Ah my friend, gratitude moves mountains! It is easy to have gratitude when all is well with the world, but when you can call it up in the midst of all your doubts and fears then you truly moved heaven and earth! Gratitude shifts everything, unlocks the doors where there were no doors before... Congratulations! When your sadness, loneliness, and fears come up again (and they will), with a heart of gratitude offer them to the Tree for transformation. Imagine the Tree right there in front of you, with strong and sturdy limbs, with roots that go deep into Mother Earth. Let the Tree sparkle and do its magic for you as you offer up your gratitude for your journey as a human on this planet...

My prayers....

So, I called my therapist, crying. Still waiting for a call back. She is only in on Tue and Thur so I am okay with not getting a call.
Sent out a prayer on the Naraya list. Received much love and support from other Dancers. I am so grateful for those that receive prayers on the list.
Yesterday my friend James came over. We talked about life and what was amazing to me is that even before I put my prayers on the list, they were answered. His coming over to talk was an affirmation to my own thoughts and feelings. I needed someone to talk to, and I think I have found a friend. He told me he really likes the pictures I post with my blog. ( i do too.)

Not really anything specific today. Feeling a bit better. Readjusting my thought process again. Feeling hopeful again.
Grateful today for all the love that comes my way.

Something odd though. Mei is acting all funny, like she did when she would get in a confrontation with Rascal (at Jean's House).
Jennifer says maybe she is just feeling frisky, but i dunno.....I wish I could be her buddy all the time, then she wouldn't get scared when i am gone.

ciao for now.

i am so sad. been crying alot. don't really know why. i thought my meds were supposed to help with that.

did i say my apartment was haunted?
maybe its just my depression. i can't tell.

Thinking too much? What about feeling too much?

i am tired. i am tired of always being afraid. i am tired of always thinking the worst. i am tired of being cold and feeling isolated.
moving into my own place hasn't been a good idea so far. my cat and i are both depressed.
i don't trust anyone and i am not like that. i think my apartment is haunted. weird energy floating around and i don't like it.

i really miss the support i got from my roommate Jean. I let my conflicted feelings move me out of a really supportive situation. i miss having someone who is my friend to talk to about my feelings. of having someone share their feelings with me. i miss being real with someone other than my girlfriend. and even that has been difficult lately. she said she got signed up to see someone but is she just telling me that to keep me from taking a time out? maybe i do need a time out.

but i am not going to do that as i am in a pretty shaky place right now. being alone isn't going to help.
i miss my Friend Jean, whom I used to live with.

Message for Christapooh

For some reason your email address isn't in my addy book anymore.
Send it to me?
Love ya!
RS