Thinking too much? What about feeling too much?

i am tired. i am tired of always being afraid. i am tired of always thinking the worst. i am tired of being cold and feeling isolated.
moving into my own place hasn't been a good idea so far. my cat and i are both depressed.
i don't trust anyone and i am not like that. i think my apartment is haunted. weird energy floating around and i don't like it.

i really miss the support i got from my roommate Jean. I let my conflicted feelings move me out of a really supportive situation. i miss having someone who is my friend to talk to about my feelings. of having someone share their feelings with me. i miss being real with someone other than my girlfriend. and even that has been difficult lately. she said she got signed up to see someone but is she just telling me that to keep me from taking a time out? maybe i do need a time out.

but i am not going to do that as i am in a pretty shaky place right now. being alone isn't going to help.
i miss my Friend Jean, whom I used to live with.