Monday, March 30, 2009

To clarify...


Someone told me recently that long ago darkness was a construct created out of fear of the Mother, the temples to the Mother were dark, Holy places.....and so in an effort to subvert how the Mother was percieved, fear was generated in relation to Darkeness.

I recently asked to not be afraid of the dark.
And this is what I mean. To not be afraid of the Mother's......

going a little crazy trying to bring in the feminine to my life.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Things always look a bit different in the day time.
And yet the unease in my heart is still there.
The white dots didn't come through.
The feminine still sleeps within me.

WTF?!
Wake UP!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Sadness and anger.




My heart cries.
I lie awake and spin in my brain.
Feels like I'm doing speed again.
The Fear seeps into my soul,
it keeps me from letting go.

I keep remembering things from some other life
All those things didn't happen to me,
Did they?
The hammer falling on the iron, over and over and over and over.....
pounding into my soul.
some forgotten spell.... i heard the words i'm sure
but the spell was one of forgetfulness cast.

And now I return to it.....gnawing at the root.
Open I say!! Open that I may see.

Where is the fucking key?!

Friday, March 27, 2009

But really........

I know I should have read closer........PayPal probably did tell me that money doesn't post for a number of days.
But not in a way that I understood completely.

That's the danger and the lure of convenience.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

PayPal SUCKS!



SO I opened up a PayPal account just so I could donate/register for Beltane and I had them take money from my bank account to complete the transaction.
They don't tell you the money doesn't transfer instantly.
SO they took the same amount from my bank account twice!
Not I am in the RED!!!
Stupid online money services!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Monday, March 23, 2009

*****^5@!!!(%&(*)&%)&*#)((_#


sifting through frozen memory,
blowing on each one trying to let it thaw.

putting myself in unfamilier places
to alter my fear.

setting my intention
to allow the doors to open

protecting how to learn
a new way of moving
through the world.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Doing a lot....

working....liking my job. i can really tell i like it cause my work week goes by so quickly. Thank you once again Spirit!

Working on the FUN-raiser for Beltane@Wolf Creek. Negotiating a venue space has been interesting. Now just trying to figure out all the details with all those involved.

Mei has been pretty sick lately. But she is again on anti-biotics. Different kind as the others were not working.

Negotiating different relationships in my life has kept me busy as well.

Ciao

Saturday, March 21, 2009

On changing my online nickname and other things.....

So I have come to realize I am not an FtM but do identify as a boy often.

I also realize there is a beautifal woman that lives inside me longing to be released. I recently figured out her/my name. Storms_Balance is about the balance between my femme and my butch sides. Soon I will do a really intense ritual about this balancing of self....

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Monday, March 16, 2009

falling petals.....



i cried at the club last night
longing pain released
all my girlfriends friends thought
i was kissing daisy....

Friday, March 13, 2009

On being tired

i'm scared.
and exhausted. doing too much for others and not enough
time for me.
everyday now..i am weary.
is it worth it?
working for a living?

i know i am lucky to have a job
in these "hard economic times"

but my life has been lived
with less all along.

roran storms

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Bleh!

BLeh, Blah, bleH, bleah bleh, bLeH!!!!!

Thwwwppp!

Saturday, March 7, 2009

rambling thoughts....

home from work, today was a mellow day but i was pretty tired.
too many bad foods in the body..

i origanally signed on to let my thoughts roam. but find i am editing already.......

Things are changing again....



new thoughts and voices make themselves known to me in my heart.
later, i sit and ponder their validity
are they my own or some response to the world i cannot control

now... i sit in wonDer at the voice that i know has always been there.
that i remember has always been there....
RoranStorms

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice though
the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations though
their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice,
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do, determined
to save
the only life you could save.
Mary Oliver
Poet, Massachusetts and Vermont

w0man running art work by:
www.thecrafty-girl.blogspot.com
mixed media, encaustic (wax) and acrylic