My regular blog and my adult blog.

I was thinking the other day that I need to have a different blog about things of adult nature and I have come up with a new blog for that.
If you want to read that blog send me an email and I will give you the address.
I won't go into too many details but will talk about my feelings and how it changes how i interact with the world.

Thanks for reading.

Turkey and genocide.

I often wonder why we as a nation celebrate Thanksgiving and Columbus Day. My girlfriend mentioned that today this holiday isn't so much about sharing food with the Indians of America but about sharing food with family and spending time together.
Why have such a holiday with such memories of Europeans. If it wasn't for the natives they probably would have starved.
Maybe that's it. But I really just don't get why it is such a big deal today.
And as far as Columbus. Well, they did prove he wasn't the first to come here and "discover" a new land right? So why are we still celebrating his discovery?

I spent the day with my sweetie and her friends Tim and Teresa. They invited us to go have turkey with their family, they happen to own a successful bar here in NoPo and I found myself transported back to some of the more interesting times when I was a child. I asked myself earlier while sleep deprived from my job, really? your going to spend thanksgiving at a bar with a bunch of people you don't know? yep. i did. my sweetie asked me to go. it was a little different as the bar was closed and there were not many people. here i had been avoiding my childhood triggers for so long.........

Just thoughts.....

Recently I told my therapist that I was not going to transition as I think with my history and age the health risks are just too great. I don't want to have a heart attack and its not like I can't be a boy in some other capacity. I guess maybe I wasn't really gender dysphoric just curious about what it would be like. I applaud those friends of mine who are trans who have gone after what they thought would make them happy. I just don't know if it would make my life any easier.
Although I am trying to change the way I interact with the world by trying to be of service more. Trouble is I don't get that many oppertunities to do so. I am reaching out to people of alternitive lifestyles and have met with someone for the first time. I am definatly curious to go back and try other things. I won't go into details lets just say I had a hard time reaching into the fridge.
It was different but fun.

Its all gloomy in NoPo today. I was going to go see my gramma down in Salem but I just don't have the money for gas. It sucks. She is like 83 or something. Sleeps a lot. I like to see her as often as I can. I would also like to be able to go see my brother up in Longview but again, no money for gas. Visiting him is kinda more important as my gram has lots of grand kids to come visit and Tony only has me.

thoughts for today

FELLOWSHIP- When communal bonds unite a group of people, great success is possible. But such bonds can develop only when personal interests are subjugated to goals which carry in them the essential virtues of humanity. The broader the basis for action, the greater the good which can be achieved. And conversely, the greater the potential good, the more powerful the support behind it. A spirit of cooperation steadies the boat, but it helps to have a beautiful island to row towards.

Learn to respect the strength in diversity, for a community's true power lies not in its numbers, but in the diverse skills and resources of its members. Just as the stoutest walls are reinforced with many different materials, so the strongest groups allow differences to coexist inside the whole.

With a unified group solidly behind you, even very difficult enterprises can be attempted without great risk.


Spirit, when I have food,
help me to remember the hungry.
When I have work,
help me to remember the jobless.
When I have a warm home,
help me to remember the homeless.
When I am with pain, help me to remember those who suffer.
And, remembering, help me
to destroy my complacency
and bestir my compassion.
Make me concerned enough to help,
by word and deed, those who cry out
for what we take for granted.

Samuel F. Pugh

I love my cat, my girlfriend and my butt plug

Not in that order of course.
Ha feeling spunky although I haven't slept enough from working.
went to a discussion last night about open relationships and being kinky. also went the night before about one for "vanilla" folk. I liked it a lot. It will help me in the future and now about asking for what I want. If your are interested the discussion was by Tristian Taormino. She just put out a new book titled ~opening up, a guide creating and sustaining open relationships. Really good book and excellent timing for me.

I keep trying to negotiate with JF but she is still pretty resistant.
need, want and desire are starting to win..........

rs

Settling in.....

I am almost unpacked and things are in their place. Mei is sticking close by me and wanting to go in and out often.

I am really enjoying putting things up on the wall and putting up shelves. There are a couple of projects in the basement that I can work on. Wood things.

Things are going smoothly at work although I did work almost a 12hr.day on Friday. Whew! The office sent a large order on the wrong day and on Satyr-day I had to make it again.

The Lead that is leaving in January at the bakery told me that I was going to be the Lead when she leaves. I am excited about that but think I should take a class or two like a managment class and a math class. Maybe it will help me be a better baker.
I worry about losing my temper sometimes and I know it is unproductive at work to do that but am unsure as to what tools to use for that particulsar character deffext.

Just finished reading a book by James Frey~A Million Little Pieces.
I thought it was unrealistic as I know he would have been kicked out of the treatment centers I have been in. And the whole mafia thing.........really dude?
hafta be pretty random to actually meet someone like that.

till next time
rs

Prayers I have read recently.

Millennium schmillennium--
the time is Now
Are you waiting for The Revolution?
kickin' back too busy tired
like, consciousness is really gonna track you down
beneath 9 to 5 and compromise
knocking on your door with 2 tickets to
The New Jerusalem.
On your feet!
Stretch
walk 'n' pray
carry
Your Love
to
the streets
and smile!
Millenniums happen in a
stride
a choice
a gesture
Now.

Danielle LaPorte

May my heart and ears be open to feel and understand the wise whisperings of my spirit guides.
May my eyes be wide open to see new opportunities.
May I create once again an abundant life in a gentle way.
May I always remember to be humble and grateful.
May patience, and simple wisdom be my companions at all times.
May I be like hardy prairie grass happily bending, twisting and turning to the whim of the changing winds.
May abundance of all kinds flow my way and to all of my relations."

Pablo


In the name of the daybreak
and the eyelids of morning
and the wayfaring moon
and the night when it departs,

I swear I will not dishonor
my soul with hatred,
but offer myself humbly
as a guardian of nature,
as a healer of misery,
as a messenger of wonder,
as an architect of peace.

In the name of the sun and its mirrors
and the day that embraces it
and the cloud veils drawn over it
and the uttermost night
and the male and the female
and the plants bursting with seed
and the crowning seasons
of the firefly and the apple,

I will honor all life--
wherever and in whatever form
it may dwell--on Earth my home,
and in the mansions of the stars.

Diane Ackerman

________

My Samhain experience....and moving....

I went down wanting to once again connect with my community and feel grounded in ritual. I brought buckets to the land for compost. I helped cook. I tried to join others in conversation. No one said thank you for the buckets. I did get thanked for rolling flat bread. Almost every conversation I tried to join I ended up feeling left out(no connection?)
I didn't connect with community or feel grounded in ritual. I left feeling regretful and like I missed something.
I did try. I even spent some time with myself this time. I do tend to just blurt things out at the wrong moment often but I felt as if it didn't matter if I was there or not. It mattered to me, but others didn't seem to care.

That is not why I go to the land. I probably won't go back for a while. Maybe to Naraya.
Should have gone to the procession on Alberta Street and ritual at Newberry House.
damn.
why did the person i had been writing to in Seattle and getting ready to meet have to be someones partner that I know and respect but don't want to cross that boundry with right now?
why did i let that matter so much that i didn't go?

Moving into my new place went smoothly. My boss let me use the van from work to move.
Yay! Not done with unpacking. Also have to move things around a bit as I realized this morning that I had put the head of my bed right next to the stairs.

feels good to have my own space. I hope my kitty likes it too. I hope she gets to like living in her own space. This morning she seemed lonely when I got home from work. She was sitting by the door when I got home, wondering what to do maybe?

ciao for now
roran

W'fang passes along today's
PRAYER FOR PEACE:

calling on the spirits of the ancients
calling on the wise ones of the past
illuminate the vision of the people
help us keep our feet upon the path

calling on the spirits of the future
calling on the wise ones yet to come
send courage to the present generation
help us find the strength to carry on

calling on the guardians of the planet
calling on all people now alive
with vision of the past and memory of the future
claiming our power to survive

- charlie murphy