Is it worth it? Losing love to be a whole person? Is losing love worth having a life changing experience? Is the transformation I have been seeking since last year worth losing the best relationship I have ever had?
I pray daily that I don't lose my girl to this, but I may have to.
Because yes, being a whole person is worth it. And yes, changing how I interact with the world by giving my control to someone else is worth it.
My reasons for seeking out a "relationship" that allows me to not be in control, to give up the wheel to someone else.......so many layered. I think my right to learn how to yield to someone else was taken from me when I was very young and now I have to actively pursue it in order to....be whole, have my interactions with the world maybe be a bit easier, have the world not be so hard to me in other ways. This is what I hope for. I have a big personality and some times, in my work life, especially I have such a hard time. I don't know how to not take the wheel. I want to learn that. I am tired of driving all the time. I want someone else to drive......
but losing love. i am praying and letting it go right now. It is all I can do.
Other news: Come January 1st 2009 I will be the senior baker where I work. (in my area) The young newlyweds are moving back to Nevada to start a bakery there. Yay!!
I am bummed though, as we were just getting it all smoothed out.
ciao for now
1 comment:
Is not being yourself worth the love you have? Can you be true to yourself and to your lover if you are not honest about who you are or who you desire to be? If it truly is the best relationship you have ever had, she would be there for you...through it ALL!
Love ya!
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