These last five years of not living the way that was so much apart of my life from 15 to 35 have been rewarding, challenging, shaken not stirred....

On July 18th I will have 5yrs clean. I am not currently sober. Clean being drugs and sober being alcohol. Well I haven't drank since Satyr-day and today is Wednesday.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about my name changes. Trying to re-invent myself is not working....so maybe its time to stop doing that and remembering who I was before all that mess started.

People can't do it for me, things and experiences can't do it for me. Mentors can't do it for me. They don't touch me....nothing touches me lately except pain in my spirit, in my heart. I put myself in the path of what I know will get through to me and still I am unfulfilled.

No one can do it but me and I have no idea what I am doing....